I wish I could say that she died naturally, but she didn't. I had to make the decision to put her to sleep after she was diagnosed with an irreversible condition. It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make.
Mindy became a part of our family shortly after a surgery on my arm was performed before high school. It's always been joked that I asked for her when I was high on pain killers. But ever since I first heard her little yip bark while bringing her home, I knew that I would love this dog.
She was the one constant in my life for years. Through the good and the bad, she was always there. She never judged me. She never offered harsh criticism like so many others around me. Okay, she was a dog so if she did judge me, I never heard it. But when no one would listen to me, she would. If I felt couldn't speak to anyone about something, I told her. There's something about the way she looked at me when I talked to her. Those beady eyes staring into my soul as I bared it to her. I've never had such a connection to any human being as I had with Mindy.
Which is why I'm having such a hard time writing this. I'm not used to expressing my feelings so...vividly so I'm not sure I know how. As I'm writing this it may all be unintelligible gobbily-gook. But I need to write about it. I need you to understand how much I love her, how much I miss her. There's an eerie silence in the house. Not that she was very loud, but I don't see her anymore when I look behind me or at my feet. She had a presence, and now it's gone. Just knowing that she's not there anymore makes me feel lost. I want to keep myself occupied, do something, but I get up and end up pacing around, then I sit back down where I was. Lost.
As she died in my arms a few things came to my mind. I hope I gave her a good life. I hope she doesn't think I gave up on her. I hope she knew she was loved every minute of every hour of every day. And I hope she knows I'll never forget her.
